You know you have Lyme when....

Retrieved from the "Truth About Lyme Disease Forums" on 5/6/2011 (and slightly edited)

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE LYME WHEN:

1) You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

2) You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

3) "Getting lucky" means finding your car in the parking lot.

4) Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

5) Everything hurts; but you don't know when or where it will hurt.

6) You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

7) You get exhausted from just waking up.

8) Your children can do math better than you can.

9) People call at 7 pm, and ask, "Did I wake you?"

10) You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions [if for once you don't have brain fog].

11) You look forward to your IV infusion of antibiotics [or oral antibiotics].

12) You turn down the lights because of photosensitivity rather than romance.

13) You sit in a rocking chair and get motion sickness. even when the rocking chair isn't moving.

14) Your GPS becomes your best friend when driving.

15) You get motion sickness when you drive. Forget about trying to be the passenger!

16) You burn the midnight oil until 9:00 PM or 1 AM or 6 AM depending on your internal clock's daily computations. Everyday is different.

17) You put the margarine in the toaster oven and try to butter your bread. You put the margarine in the cupboard, the knife in the refrigerator, and the toast in the sink. Then you walk around in circles trying to find the toast.

18) You get exercise by going to the bathroom 10 or more times a day.

19) One shelf of the refrigerator is filled with abx (or supplements, herbs, etc)

20) You can't remember how to turn the shower off.

21) You can't figure out how to get the key out of the ignition [you forgot
about the little black button you push in].

22) You can't find your way home and you only took a walk around the block.

23) When your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

24) You get winded playing chess.

25) You look forward to a dull evening.

26) The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

27) You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

28) When you wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.

29) When it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

30)  There are three signs of Lyme Disease. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

31) The only part of your body that gets a "workout" are your thumbs - from clicking on that remote or mousepad all day.

32) When your idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.

33) You know you have Lyme when you stop to think and forget to start again

34) When you wake up screaming and stressed - then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

35) When your day was a total waste of makeup.

36) When you think to yourself: "This ain't no party...this ain't no disco..."

37) When all the pharmacists and lab workers in town know you on a first name basis.